Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2015/01/27 under Uncategorized

FML

I don’t know how to type how I feel, so I am just going to type, this is probably going to make no sense though and be completely grammatically incorrect but I don’t give a f***.
I am a 17 year old guy living in Australia, if you need to call me something you can call me Murt (It’s me in a sense.) basically I have known this girl called Sophie for about a year and a half now, but I have only really been her friend since the start of the year (when I realised I had a tiny crush on her and wanted to be closer to her so I started talking to her online.) Originally talking to her made me feel really happy as It was like a budding romance (however I had no doubt in my mind it was one sided.) about two months into our friendship we started talking about some more deep stuff, I started giving her advice with her life and she with mine.

One of these topics was on a boy called Josh (I call him a boy because no man would treat such a beautiful person this way.) Josh was about 6 months older than me and he and Sophie had been friends since like year 8. Since they spent so much time together Sophie grew an attachment to josh that was not exactly a “friendship” but more a wannabe relationship. Since I was her friend I was the one who she talked to about it (for like 4 solid months.) at some points she would be crazy about him others he would be driving her crazy.

Since I had obviously not told her how I felt this went on and on and on until I couldn’t do it anymore and I told her something I sort of regret which was “Soph, you need to stop asking for my advice, I won’t be around forever and you need to know how to make your own decisions.” This outburst shocked her and for a little while we weren’t as close anymore.

Fast forward a month or so and my school’s formal was coming around, I was not sure if I really wanted to go because I had no one that made me want to go with (besides sophie obviously.) I didn’t ask her to formal because from my knowledge I had heard that sophie and her two best friends had made a pact to not get dates (because some of them would not be able to get them.) If this did not happen I would have asked her to formal indefinitely. But two f***ing weeks later when I got to school everyone seemed really anxious and I assumed they were b****ing about someone (they are what I call “friends” but in reality I hate them all.) so naturally I strolled over to them to see what all the fuss was about, as I got closer I heard the name sophie and became immediately intrigued. When I got there I realised what had happened, Sophie had been asked to formal by some douche from another school and she f***ing accepted.

I was mad at her for a long time (well a long time in school time so like a week) I didn’t really talk to her or treat her the same way. But by the time formal had rolled around me and my best friend had organised what we were going to do.

– I went to his house for pics
– We were going to one of Sophie’s friend’s house for more pics
– We were going to then go to a place where we would catch a party bus to formal
– Enjoy the formal
– Go back to Sophie’s Friend’s house
– Go to the After Party
– Go Home
– Sleep

On the day of formal school finished early as all the girls had ours of hair and makeup to do. I got my suit etc and went over to my best friend’s house so we could get ready and go over to the other friend’s house. After like 10 minutes of picture taking we got into his car and drove down to the friend’s house. When we arrived there we entered through the side gate and entered through the back door. We were greeted by the friends mum and sat down for a moment waiting for the two girls (Sophie and the friend.) After a minute or two of waiting I heard someone walking into the kitchen and instinctively stood up . As the person I heard came around the corner my eyes shot wide open, she looked perfect. Sophie was standing there in her light blue dress clutching her purse smiling radiantly. Her hair and makeup were done faultlessly as they complimented her soft blue eyes and naturally fair skin perfectly.

I looked at her for what seemed to be eternity with my jaw dropped (figuratively) just marvelling at her. I believe this was the point at which I realised that I was falling in love with one of my best friends. We all stood there for a moment and complimented each other (you know the standard “you look gorgeous girls” and the “you don’t look half bad either” wasn’t those words exactly though.) before we ventured out into the front yard for another couple minutes of pictures. On the car ride to the pre-party I was sort of feeling a tiny bit down, here I was with two gorgeous girls and by best friend (who’s suit looked f***ing amazing) and I looked like I was wearing hand-me downs.

When we arrived at the pre party I didn’t really feel like socialising so there was a lot of fake smiles coming from me. The rest of the night was dreadful, my only solace being that I would be getting smashed in a couple hours’ time. At the after party I had many drinks but because I am such a big guy I never got passed the tipsy stage and just acted like me with a couple less inhibitions (so not much fun.)

The next day the four of us (my best friend, sophie’s best friend, Sophie and I) all decided we wanted to go to this thing that is like a carnival (it is held in our town once a year for like a week.) while we were there we got separated for while, me and sophie’s bestie were together alone for a couple hours and so were sophie and my best friend. Obviously I got slightly jealous but I still tried to have fun with the girl I was with. We ended up staying almost all night (we watched the fireworks show at 10), obviously since it was a pitch black night freezing night I could tell that the girl I was with was cold. So as the kind guy I am I wrapped my jumper around her aswell as my arm to keep her warm. Little did I know that she also had a thing for me (This is where the FML part comes into play.)

The next day I was awoken by message after message from a Sophie telling me that her best friend told her that she liked me, I was distraught as I knew I had to make up a reason why I wouldn’t date her (if I said I liked someone else she would have pushed until she found out who.) I ended up telling her that one of my friends used to like her and even tho I liked her I couldn’t date her as it would break my friends heart (mainly true except I didn’t like her to that extent.)

I ended up feeling terrible about lying and once again we stopped talking as much, until a couple months later we suddenly started hanging out ( we had never done this before), we would all go and do something as long as sophie had access to bubble tea somewhere near there (she is obsessed with it) which lead to my feelings for her getting strong and stronger over the period of a couple months.

So now its 5 days after my birthday and the first day back in my senior year, I don’t know what to do but I don’t think I can hide my feelings for a whole year more (she is in two of my classes and he friend is also in two.) I am dreading this year, I though senior year was meant to be hard but fun, but the way it is looking this year is going to be hell on earth for me.

Please does anyone have any advice, telling her is not an option and I don’t really want to avoid her. Please help me!

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